Munchkin

Munchkin. If you’ve been around board games for a while, or been into a store that sells any type of card game, or consumed oxygen, then you most likely have brushed up against Munchkin. If your skin hasn’t yet broken out into blisters that’s a good sign you may like this game.

I no longer enjoy Munchkin, and haven’t for a long time. It is a game I have fond memories of since it was one of the first games that got me into board gaming. However, compared to any other game in my current collection, it no longer holds up. That said I’m not satisfied with saying that it’s a bad game, or you should not buy this game, without exploring why I think that. With the typical review prologue done it’s time to put your boots on and go spelunking into how this game works.

How to play

Munchkin is a card game where players take the roles of munchkin, who may or may not be run away Oompa Loompas from a certain copyrighted chocolate factory. It is a light-hearted role-playing game, won by the first player reaching level 10. Players level up by defeating monsters, selling off items for 1000g, or by drawing a ‘Gain a level card’ – although a player must defeat a monster for their 10th level.

A turn is broken into several phases. If I had enough money for an intern, you’d see a beautiful flow diagram. For now, you’ll have to use your imagination.

Phase 1.0: Draw a card from the event deck. If a monster is drawn, the player must fight it. If a curse is drawn, the player must apply it.

Phase 1.1: If the monster is defeated, the player draws a card from the treasure deck.

Phase 1.2: If the player is defeated, then the “bad stuff” written on the monster card happens. This may cause them to lose equipment, levels, nothing, or something else entirely might happen.

Phase 2.0:  If a player didn’t draw a monster, they get to draw another card from the event deck. They keep this card without revealing it to the table. Instead of drawing this second card, they may instead fight a monster from their hand.

Playing his hand Mike Hulsebus from BGG

To defeat a monster and then ravage its corpse, a player must have equal or more strength than the monster.  Strength, the only stat in the game, is gained the usual way: eating pizza and doughnuts while watching all seven seasons of Mad Men. I wish. Instead, it is granted through items, race, class, and gender cards. There are also event cards that may temporarily buff or de-buff the current player (or the monster) as well.

In battles, everyone around the table can play cards that help or hinder the active hero. In addition, the player under siege may ask for allegiances from the table. Only one player can join their side, but before they do they negotiate their price. If the player, with or without help, wins the fight they get a level. If they lose, bad stuff might happen. This goes on and on until one player hits level ten and wins the game.

Thoughts

This won’t be the last time I bring this up, but your enjoyment from this game will be derived from those you play around. As such I would strongly advise not playing with the following people.

• Rocky I: Competitive types. If you’re looking for a game where you battle wits, form strategies and counter strategies: look elsewhere.
• Jaws 2: The Revenge: Anyone who feels personally threatened whenever they’re attacked in a board game. Note that every play of the game comes in the form of Take That.
• Stuck on You: If a couple of players always team up together. It completely unbalances the game and everyone outside of Bonnie and Clyde will suffer.
• Every Owen Wilson Movie Ever: This is type of person who doesn’t want to offend anybody by being aggressive. They will have to if they want to compete in this game.

You’ll notice that’s a lot of types of people, but if you consider yourself and your friends more lighthearted such as a Deadpool or Guardians of the Galaxy kind of crowd you might have a good time.

Now, as to why I don’t like it. First, there isn’t enough incentive to stop people from winning fights in the lower levels of play. It is very rare for the ‘bad stuff’ to happen when a player is defeated by a monster. That and the severity of the bad stuff varies wildly, from laughably tame to writing a series of love letters, making a player fall in love with you, and then revealing it was a prank. When it’s tame it’s to the point where any card you put towards making the current player lose a fight is a waste. When it’s a love letter it’s worth doing, but not only will it stop them winning the game permanently, it will also crush their very soul. Forcing them to spend the remainder of the game with a strained smile, pretending they’re having fun.

Bad stuff happening sucks, but what’s less forgivable is that Munchkin revolves around random luck that can’t be mitigated. At all. If you have a bad draw, that’s it, you’re screwed. The only chance to avoid being proverbially shat on all game is to negotiate for help. This only gets you so far as you can’t win like this. There are no tied victories, so it’s in no one’s best interest to help you defeat your final monster. Which leads to the most frustrating problem.

The game stagnates when someone reaches level 9. As mentioned to win the game they must defeat a monster. Remember those cards that were a waste to use early, well now we have a stockpile of them, and at level 9 Russell Crowe runs into your living room and gives the signal to unleash hell. This leads to games stalling in a quagmire of Take That cards. I’ve had a game of Munchkin last for two hours, Two hours! Munchkin does not have the depth to sustain this length of gameplay, and I can attest that would rather watched Grown Ups 2, three times in a row, than sit through that again.

If I had a complement I’d say that the art and writing of the game is fun, and comical. You may find yourself having a chuckle over the satire of it all. Your human thief mounted on a dragon wearing nothing but inflatable armbands and wielding a rubber chicken. These jokes wear out fast after a playthrough, but they still make that initial game fresh, and exciting to the point where you might mistake this for a good game.

That is my final problem. The fun art, and the gameplay suffer exponentially from diminishing returns. It’s a great game to demo, or play at a friend’s place, but the second after you’ve bought it and played it, it becomes a worse game. With each subsequent play, you hate it more, and you hate yourself for buying it. This spiral continues downwards until you empty your bank account at a local bar, getting drunk and studying each Munchkin card you own attempting to find some humour to ease the pain of your wife leaving you. Except you find none, and wonder why you didn’t buy Cockroach Poker, or Love Letter instead.

TL:DR

All this said, people still enjoy Munchkin, and if we’re honest there was a time when I did too. With enough versions available for anyone to find a theme that interests them. Plus, all the money they’ve made, and continue to make, they must be doing something right. Right? For me, I traded this cursed game away. Hoping to never again mutter the words ‘Get them, they’re level 9’.